Potty Training Without the Power Struggle: A Guide for Home and School

Or as we call it at Guidepost: Toilet Learning

The Guidepost Team

Few milestones bring as much pride—or stress—as potty training.

At Guidepost, we call it toilet learning, because it is about far more than training your child to use the toilet. It is about building independence, confidence, and trust in their own body.

It is a major step toward independence, and like all growth, it looks a little different for every child.

Yes, the process can feel messy and unpredictable, but it does not have to be a daily battle. In our classrooms, we approach toilet learning the same way we approach everything else: with respect for the child, clear routines, and close partnership with families. When home and school work together, the experience becomes calmer, more consistent, and ultimately empowering for the child.

We are excited to share what we’ve learned in this guide so you can bring the same approach into your home.

Why Montessori Toilet Learning Looks Different

  • We follow the child’s pace. Readiness shows up in small ways. We watch, notice, and respond rather than push a timeline.
  • The environment does the teaching. Child-sized toilets, simple clothes, and predictable routines allow independence to grow naturally.
  • Adults observe more than direct. Instead of constant prompting, we notice patterns and adjust support.
  • Home and school partner. Consistency across environments helps children succeed.

Signs Your Child May Be Ready

Not every child is ready at the same age, but here are some signals to watch for:

  • Curiosity about the toilet or watching others use it
  • Ability to push pants down and up with light help
  • Seeking privacy when eliminating
  • Noticing when they are wet or soiled
  • Staying dry for longer stretches

If you are seeing several of these, it may be time to begin a simple, supportive plan together.

A Simple Plan for Parents and Educators

Your goal is to offer calm, stress-free opportunities to use the toilet during natural daily transitions, while protecting the child’s independence.

When to Offer

  • Before leaving home or upon arriving at school
  • Before meals
  • Before outdoor playtime
  • Before nap and bedtime
  • After waking

What to Say

  • “It is time to use the toilet. Would you like me to stand beside you or in the doorway?”
  • If your child says no:
    • “Every day, we use the toilet before leaving home. You brushed your teeth, got dressed, and had breakfast. Now it is time to try the toilet.”
    • “You are saying no right now. We will try again before putting on your shoes.”

If successful:

You can say something like, "It worked! You listened to your body. It was telling you that you needed to use the toilet."

Keep your tone calm and encouraging, without over-celebrating. It is fine to add a simple “good job,” but avoid making your happiness the cornerstone of their success.

When toilet learning becomes about pleasing the adult, it can rob the child of their own independence. A matter-of-fact response affirms what happened and leaves space for your child to feel confident in themselves.

If There Is an Accident

Accidents are not failures. They are part of the learning process. But in the moment, they can feel frustrating, messy, and stressful for parents. How you respond makes all the difference.

  • Stay calm and neutral. Your child looks to you for cues. If you react with frustration, they may feel shame. If you react with calm, they learn that accidents are simply information. A neutral phrase helps: “Your pants are wet. Let’s change into dry pants.”
  • Guide one small step. Invite your child to take part in fixing the situation, even if it is just a tiny action. For example:
    • Ask them to push down their pants.
    • Let them pick a new pair of underwear from the drawer.
    • Have them place the wet clothes into a laundry basket.
      Giving them ownership keeps the focus on independence, not on blame.
  • Avoid long conversations. Resist the urge to lecture about “next time.” Accidents are not willful disobedience. A short, steady response is enough. Save teaching for calm moments, not in the middle of cleanup.
  • Model matter-of-fact language. Say things like:
    • “Your body wasn’t ready that time.”
    • “Let’s get clean and dry.”
    • “We will try again before snack.”
  • Reset and move on. Once your child is clean, shift back into the day without lingering. Treat the moment as routine. The less drama you attach, the less resistance builds over time.

Think of each accident as a data point. Where and when did it happen? Was your child tired, distracted, or in the middle of play? Share these patterns with your child’s teacher so home and school can adjust rhythms together.

What to Wear

Clothing matters more than many parents realize. To support independence:

  • Choose elastic waistbands, shorts, or dresses that are easy to manage.
  • Always send a full change of clothes in a labeled bag.

Tips That Lower Stress

  • Tie attempts to rhythms, not timers. Transitions feel purposeful and reduce power struggles.
  • Keep prompts light. Too much prompting often creates resistance.
  • Balance privacy and support. Some children want you nearby, others do better if you step back.
  • Treat accidents as information. Notice when and where they happen and share patterns with teachers.
  • Use the same language at home and school. Consistency accelerates success.

Common Sticking Points

  • Refusing to sit: Offer a choice. “Toilet first or wash hands first?”
  • Sitting but not going: Keep it brief. “We tried. We will try again before lunch.”
  • Regression after progress: Return to simple rhythms, simplify clothing, and add a few extra reminders for a few days.

How Home and School Should Partner

The most effective toilet learning happens when parents and educators work as a team. At Guidepost, we:

  • Agree on small, clear goals together.
  • Share what we observe each day.
  • Check in regularly and adjust the plan as needed.

Ask your Head of School or your child’s guide for our free Toilet Learning Guide, which includes:

  • A home setup list
  • The phrases we use
  • Our approach to stand-up diapering (so you can mirror it at home)

This kind of consistency builds confidence and accelerates independence.

A Parenting Reminder

Toilet learning is not just about leaving diapers behind. It is about your child discovering, “I can do this.” With patience, consistency, and a shared plan, the process becomes calmer for everyone.

There will be accidents. There will be resistance. And there will be days when you wonder if progress is really happening. But each attempt, each small success, and even each stumble is part of the bigger picture. You are giving your child the gift of independence and the steady message that their body is capable.

So take a breath, stay the course, and remember: you’ve got this.